Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize