this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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