Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Randomize
