I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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