Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
