I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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