you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
