he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
they're like a gay fantastic four
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
