before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
