i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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