Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
