I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
