Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
