almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
