why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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