Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Randomize
