I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize