But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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