i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
