Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
They are going to name an STD after you.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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