operation harelip BJ is a go
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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