____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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