Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
