There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
