I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
