ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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