I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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