We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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