The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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