Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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