Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Welp...herpes.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
im holly from the hills drunk
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
