I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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