he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
