You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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