This girl is more easily done than said...
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
