There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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