is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
