Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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