he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
