you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
