We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Never joke about your clitoris.
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