these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
