Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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