I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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