this boner is exhausting
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
you made out with another girl for some wings
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize