where does the pee come out of this thing
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
