Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
