She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
