I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
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