We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
