dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
They should really pass out barf bags in church
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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