im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm just crazy horny about you
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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