Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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