it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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