Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
