just come out here and I will go home with you...
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
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