How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize