OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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