I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
