stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
