pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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