A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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