i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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