she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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