she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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