Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize