just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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