What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He kissed a someone with a penis
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
