I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Randomize
