Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
