Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
