i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
